Tuesday, October 31, 2006 | 9:21 pm

i'll straighten it out

i'll straighten out my veh veh absolutely horrendously screwed up lyfe, but dat has to wait till after my chi paper on thurs n some fun after dat. urgh, it doesnt feel lyk hols at all... i dun understand how everyone can be so relaxed. sighz. someone help mi. everything's screwing up, even piano, i havent touched my piano for 2 wks, juz realized how crappy my playing has become, n my teacher leavin at e end of e yr (i knew it abt 2-3wks baq but yeah, it still sux), urgh, y must everything always hit mi at e same time???

cutefish

| 12:18 am

im angsting. under construction

sighz, pple, im angsting, so read at ur own risk. dis is a song i juz tot up, cant reali slp, its still under construction, i havent exactly found e chords to some parts yet (too lazy to) but yeah, here's it.

verse
sitting at my window sill
heaven crying of all the ills
dis dreadful world causes, and
I feel it.


suffering down deep inside,
felt the urge to go outside
walked while icy raindrops chilled me
to the bone

pre-chorus
i wish for the wind, to blow, me
blow my troubles far far away.
how lovely

I wish for the sun to shine,
the birds to sing a meadow green
to run and not grow weary.

chorus
baby its just tearing me to pieces
honey I don't know

verse
watching you with another guy
while im left out alone outside
my spirit being sucked out into the cold

I cared so much for you
so many many sleepless nights
talking to you on the phone
being there when you are alone~

even when the cold wind
blows

chorus
baby its just tearing me to pieces
honey, i don't know

bridge (im sowie, its e most angsty)
you make everything
seem so
ephemeral, a cacophony
of cries deep down
inside this scarred heart
I don't know
what to do
I've tried my best to be
That Guy For You

ending
yet I yearn for your sweet smile
your honey coated voice over the
phone.

baby its just tearing me to pieces
cos honey, I love you so.

-the end-

sighz, sorry for the angsty post, kinda reflects partially my feelings, i kinda hate e rain rite now, makes me real down, even cloudy daes. and yeah, u def dun wanna bump into mi walking down the street when its raining, trust me. lemme try to slp, n yeah, tmr i'll be fine, dun worrie guys. n yeah, dis song will probably be under construction for a long time, at least not till i feel down again.

honey, dun read into dis.

cutefish

Monday, October 30, 2006 | 11:55 pm

sigh

cutefish

| 11:17 pm

FENCING TRAINING!!!

yay~ firstly, i din pon chi remedial lessons todae, i tot it started agt 1030 onli to double check at 9 n find out its frm 8-930. oh well, wad to do :p

neways, todae was my first sabre lesson! damn fun!!! whee, jeffery (the coach) actuali lemme handle a REAL sabre, and quite an expensive one, cos his students e dae b4 broke all of his. im so lucky. ok lor, so he tot mi how to slash by using a dummy (quite fun, wack the dummy!) and e basic ways of blocking an attack. den he worked on footwork, n we played e game of mi-the-trainee-must-tempt-the-coach-into-trying-to-wack-mi-along-the-stretch-we're-playing-but-i-must-avoid-getting-wacked-on-e-head game. off course he was using a plastic sword while i was wearing a helmet la. but yeah, was quite fun, OMG HIS FOOTWORK IS REAL GOOD!!! he can reali move damn fast. urgh, I MUST TRAIN HARD N OWN ALL UR ASSES! DAT INCLUDES U TOO GABRIEL!

ok, todae rox!

cutefish

| 11:00 pm

abt last wk...

ok fine, i haf been procrastinating, urgh. here's e highlights of LAST wk (since e middle of e wk).

wed, safti visit! went to ocs. ok lor, quite nice, quite interesting, dey let students fire their guns wif blanks. again ended up catching up wif my gd o'fren kenneth lui. lui i duno y 4 some reason still tinks i noe more gals den him (yarrite, considerin his heyday in sec 1). neways mi n him ended up tokin lotsa crap since our 2 classes were grped tog 4 e tour arnd e place. ok la, quite informative, though dey seem to lyk pullups ALOT. neways saw some nj pple dere, so i smsed dot. she said she was dere, but din get to see her. neways lui reminded mi of our gd o'fren in sec 1/2, scott yap aka square (his head was square, dats y we called him dat). so yeah, i smsed dot n asked her, but she at first said no, n dat his gf was here (sowie, but dat would be off no use to mi if either lui or i havent been in contact wif square or his social lyfe). but l8r on dat scott was here. so ok, we kept a lookout for him, but to no avail.

neways while e pple frm our grp were firing e blanks, lui had dis g8 idea of playing the oh-lets-try-not-to-plug-our-ears-and-instead-listen-to-e-over-100-decibels-of-pure-loud-explosions-rocketing through-the-air-while-we-all-go-deaf challenge. which i, even more retardedly (in retrospect, its a macho thing la) accepted. so ok, both of us, while e others had their ears plugged, mi n him were juz trying our best to look normal as if nothing was happening. ouch. neways some 'smart' chap l8r told us if we could hear e mosquito tone after all dis dat we were still not deaf. so after everything i would whip out my fone n play e ringtone to check dat we were not deaf. unfortunately, IT DOESNT WORK DAT WAY! my mom l8r at home commented y i turned e tv on so loud n asked mi whether i was deaf... my dad too even l8r on when i upped e volume again. great.

oh and another comparison, for us ac pple, we sabo e gals to go try out e guns saying we're gonna be learning those in bmt (we would wad...), while in nj, e gals juz keep goin up to try. tok abt enthu. oh yeah, n while waiting for our bus to come, n while e nj pple were firing, mi n lui were again up to e same game -__-""" oh yeah, saw dot den but she din recognize mi in my white specs! :P

e rest of e wk, nth much happened, except mebbe i signed up for fencing classes, dats all (= gonna take sabre fencing! yay~

cutefish

Saturday, October 28, 2006 | 11:16 pm

pool n gals

lol, if y'all in e guy's blog rmb, dere was a post wif e exact same title a long time ago (abt a yr and a half baq) written by mi, but yeah, dis one's diff.

was watchin a chi drama on channel U juz now (yeah, im veh bored) n dis interesting analogy came up when a guy asked his dad whether he lyked any other women besides his wife b4. n his dad's reply was reali quite nice. it went something lyk, its lyk a pool game, e other gals dat u lyk r lyk the other coloured balls on e table. however, the gal u truly wanna be with is the black ball. e guy asks, but y izzit so easy to hit the coloured balls. the dad replies dat ultimately, the aim of the game is to pocket the black ball and, even though he in real lyfe might lyk other gals, however e women he truly wans to be wif for e rest of his lyfe, dat is the black ball, n dat is the most important.

quite interesting aye?

cutefish

| 9:53 pm

poem

All your hopes,
All your dreams,
Are glass beads on a water's surface.
Brilliance.

Thursday, October 26, 2006 | 8:10 pm

read at own risk

honey, can i still call u honey? look, u really dun haf to put urself thru dis, readin my blog dese few daes, cos yeah, u're rite, i've no rite to put ur mood down. so wadever's below, read at ur own risk, juz not on a rainy dae or a nite without stars.

im not angry, reali. after watchin princess hours, though its a diff situation (both lyk each other in dat situation), i do understand a lill bit more y im feeling dis way. its not anger i feel, its hurt. perhaps when u love someone n dis happens to u (i hope it'll nv ever happen to u, or anyone i noe), u'll understand wad i mean. i love u, probably dats y im feelin pain, not anger. i guess in dis situation u juz haf ta give me some time. i wish i could revert baq to e old way, listenin to ur dae, ur probs etc. but rite now it hurts, e memories hurt. i dunno wad u shuld do, i reali dunno wad i shuld do. when u dao-ed, it hurt lyk hell. yet again when u apologized, my soul bled. it just cuts str to e heart. i dunno, i guess dis feelin will get numb n more numb as time progresses, i guess its e way stuff works. i wish so much i could tok to u late into e nite again n it'll not hurt.

its not ur fault. it just hurts cos i love you.
i wanna be dere 4 u but it hurts.
i love u n it hurts.

rite now wadever we do or not do, it hurts. juz dun cut contact wif me completely, plz? i dun wanna be put thru hell. i still care abt u.

cutefish

| 4:35 am

if anything, plz go watch kurosagi

ok, i onli haf 15 mins to blog dis last entry b4 i get baq to rushin my prac.

i wish i was lyk kurosagi. yet again, his lyfe is a tragedy. 4 those of u hu duno hu or wad im tokin abt, plz go watch e jap drama entitled 'shirosagi'. but neways dat guy totali blocked out most of his feelings, e hurt he feels. n e amazing thing is, he had dis decent n nice gal fall 4 him even when he's being sometimes abit cruel to her (he was aso her landlord hu regularly demanded rent dat sometimes she couldnt pay on time). ok fine, actuali he din reali manage to block out his feelings as shown in e last episode where he called e gal to ask how she was n to look after e stray cat dey both share n look after. and he finally called her by her correct name which he keeps calling wrongly on purpose to irritate her. i admire dat guy 4 his cool exterior n all.

yet again dat wouldnt be and wouldnt suit me. i dun wanna undergo such a huge tragedy when im young.

sighz. i wished u stopped talking when i first asked u to get baq to ur work cos i have to get baq to mine. now im hurting, and it feels real bad, real deep.

it hurts ):

cutefish

| 3:44 am

sighz

she tinks im doin fine. far frm it actuali. if dis blog were 100% my true feelings, i dun tink anyone would wanna read it, cos it'll be reali angsty, or even very offensive. but yeah, since she commented, n u guys asked, i'll update on how im doing.

right now, im tryin to rush out e mani physics pracs i owe. dere was a mess of papers left after my final exams, which i wanted to clear myself, but my dad took e liberty to, and in e process disposing of random scraps of papers on which i wrote my practical results on. how great. im so screwed. wad to do, fakin results is an option, e prob is i dun even now how e results shuld look lyk. another option is to juz fail e prac, which is i tink wad im planning to do. unless e physics teacher is kind enuff next yr. sighz, im screwing up ib.

my lyfe has nv been e same after dat incident. i somehow lost faith in being a nice guy. i dun wanna blame u 4 it, its my fault, but all e same, i've lost faith in being a nice guy, n its hard to make myself do it now, in some ways, it hurts when i try. i just keep gettin reminded of old memories. in fact, i actuali sorta reverted to e asshole i once was, e despo/flirt of long ago which i vowed nv to be. i noe, u guys r disappointed in mi, so m i, but im tryin ok? thank God dat those gals i asked out mainly rejected mi or were bz. i wouldnt haf been true or even half as sincere.

to all my Christian frens especially jason hu juz converted, jason, plz dun take mi as ur example, at least not now. i've backslided, but im clawing my way baq up, wif support frm my close church frens. dun worrie, i'll get baq on my 2 feet, wif His help. reali has been a see-saw of backsliding and going baq to him and backsliding n goin baq to him. i hope it stops b4 i go crazy.

weiyuan read out a description of e symptoms of depression dat he had been researchin online n told mi he had it. i told him dat he missed out 2, whereas i fulfilled everything, n would be more likely to be diagnosed wif it den him if both of us went to see a shrink. i hope he does not do anything stupid. im sorry bro, but i cant be dere 4 u now, im struggling wif so mani problems im on e verge of cracking anytime, n i haf for no reason at all, sorry.

i wish i was not self destructive, but it seems i can be a walkin time bomb. im sorry to all, i noe some of u pple haf seen mi self destruct, n yet still stood by mi n help mi baq up. and i reali, frm e bottom of my heart, appreciate it. i appreciate it when u 2, tim wee n xh din mind mi being a 100 watt lightbulb one gloomy thurs afternoon. thx, even if u dun noe it, it kinda cheered mi up a lill. thx to e same 2 plus kh and gab for goin bowlin durin e first wk of depression, reali helped. thx 4 kh n gab whom i can always poke fun at. thx evan 4 e advice once again. n yeah for e vivocity trip. thx jason 4 still trustin mi n tellin mi ur probs, n yeah, 4 dat outing :p it was fun la, though mi n evan turned up quite late (sowie abt dat!).

i wish things would be different, i still cant 4get u. i noe i needa move on, everyone tells me to. i reali dunno wad to do. i cant decide wad to do. plz dun go makin e decision 4 mi. trust mi, it'll do no gd 4 e both of us. lemme distract myself wif stuff 4 awhile n tink in my free time, n hopefully i'll noe wad to do.

livin on e 16th story's reali tempting. dun worrie, esp to my moms, not yet at least. rite now e cool wind's juz refreshing as it is depressing, n e nice starry sky which is slowly returning.

irony. i used to love e nite sky when i was young, stars n all. heck, i wanted to be in space or on earth lookin thru one of those big telescopes at e stars n e dazzlingly beautiful nebulae. i recall my childhood where i had a huge poster showing e orion nebula. reali reali amazing. e sky, hope. rite. i still rmb e time at east coast wif u jie when i was tired n lied down n looked up at e sky, n all i could see were stars, no pple, no nth. n i suddenly wished real badly dat u were dere beside mi, watchin wif mi. i guess dat can remain a dream.

to wy, cyril, keegan, louis, nicholson, n e rest of e gang, lol, i dunno how far e stuff has spreaded, sowie to disappoint, but, rite now, im not in e rite state of mind to go after her. give mi time, i'll gladly buy it, i noe im short on it, but yeah dun worrie, if it was meant to be, i guess real screwed up stuff has to happen to prevent it frm happening. but yeah, i shuld not meet her now, or in e near future, not when im lyk dat.

n yeah, e feeling sucked when she couldnt recall dat tues nite on e last wk of june. i guess i musta changed so much she totali 4got hu i m. wy, plz dun go arnd tellin pple im a chess player? lol, she was lyk 'yarrite, (turning to me) u play chess???' lol. felt weird. i dunno, wad do most pple tink of chessers? we're not nerds or geeks or anything actuali, juz a close bunch hu love doing fun stuff, lyk wad most pple do, lyk goin to bowling alleys wif custom made 16 pound balls wearin our team singapore jackets dat we got frm chess n start bowlin lyk s*** disgracing e name of e team singapore bowlers most pple assumed us to be. except wy off course hu nv fails to strike wif a bang. i still rmb we all made dat last pin drop by synchronizing our jump. quite surprising dat e vibrations were large enuff to cause it to drop. i guess e combined weight of wy, cyril, jason, evan n mi was quite large.

sighz, she juz came online. dat reminds mi, i've physics pracs to rush. update abt e saf trip ytd l8r if i haf time. meanwhile dun worrie too much 4 mi, juz keep mi in ur prayers.

cutefish

Monday, October 23, 2006 | 1:20 am

coffee

im ripping dis frm jace's blog, he intro-ed it to mi a few daes ago, reali nice poem:

sweet october embrace
Her kiss left an aftertaste you can't shake off.
Bitter poison that was sweet; poison that flirted
with your tastebuds, causing you to have it all at
once, igniting the erotic side that you've
suppressed for too long now. It's put you on a
high, lusting for more of that taste... Poison. You
could blame her, or you could fault the poison.
But it doesn't matter: since the two are one.
COFFEE

| 12:49 am

lol evan, we're too hum liaoz

TODAE I WENT TO VIVOCITY TO SHOP!!! 2nd time dere. ok i 4got to include in ytd's post dat, when i went to vivo, i noticed a large number of clothes shops n REALI GOOD ONES were concentrated in dat shopping centre n immediately called evan to ask him whether he was free on sunday to come down n shop. he off course agreed. e 2nd reason (actuali, main reason 4 us :p) goin vivocity was e scenery down dere cos accordin to my sec 3 junior, e scenery dere was fantastic! (yes i haf indeed passed on e skill, let e corruption of innocent minds continue) so i juz had ta go down n check it out myself.

so both of us were lookin arnd at e shops, n man, dey had gd stuff, e prob is our wallets were juz too light, so it kinda sucked looking at stuff u wanna buy but juz cant afford ): but neways juz to use dis blog to take note: next time i must visit (in order of priority) zara mens', topman, pull and bear, gap. e window shopping was over n done wif quite soon cos we didnt reali tink abt tryin e clothes on. (which was stupid, we shulda made fulll use of our time...) but neways cant blame 2 17 yr olds wif hormones raging standing in a sea of... yeah, u geddit.

but bleahx, e gals dat we saw were either too old, too young, attached, or wif their parents... -__-""" damn! 4got dat todae is usuali a time for family for pple, n dat even if we saw chiobus, dey'ld either be wif their family or bfs, which was e case. oh well... ):

but, juz as we were givin up n goin to meridian to dota, lo n behold, 2 chiobus were standin in front of breadtalk n advertising something, probably workin part time. so i nudged evan n said, hey, look at those 2 gals over dere, n he looked. so i asked, which one do u want? i'll take e other, i dun mind either. he said he didnt mind either too! lol, so yeah, we were lyk, to each other, u noe any gd pickup lines??? urgh. 4 once i was at a loss 4 wad to do lor! ok wait, evan's version of dis part of e story 'the two gals were standing just outside breadtalk. both were in white, and hence they very eye catching. of cos being big despos that jloh and me always are (editor's note, jloh is not a despo, evan on e other hand...), we decided to go take a second look. that turned out to be a huge mistake...'

but yeah, it was a huge mistake. cos we were alrdy at e mrt entrance, so wad to do, in order to steal more glances, i came up wif e usual stupid idea to find a reason to hang arnd abit longer. n dat in dis case involved evan n mi blowing our money on overpriced drinks frm a shop which i dun wanna name nearby. urgh! neways, we walked slowly baq, n yeah, kept a safe distance. i tink dey alrdy noticed us n dat we were stealin glances at dem, so i told evan to 4geddit. he too tot dat dey'ld probably act dao or play hard to get since dey noe we're interested. but b4 we gave up all hope, we decided to call e expert, e godfather, cyril. which turned out to be of no help cos dat asshole onli called us baq when we were almost reachin meridian. urgh! neways evan n i were too hum to do anything, so much 4 mi tellin jason not to be so worried n scared abt makin e first move... nvm, i'll do better next time!

n yeah, at meridian, we started Operation rjGals, where im supposed to enlist e help of tania to fix up evan and her fren, shinbin. so i called her, n though i was kinda tired n uttered alotta crap over e fone, in e end, miraculously she managed to make sense of wad i was sayin n agreed to e plan! whee! wy u're gonna lose ur junior(s) reali soon!

neways tots in a mess, will spruce up dis post when i haf time.

cutefish

Sunday, October 22, 2006 | 1:14 am

crazy dae

juz came baq home not long ago, its been a crazy dae. but first of all, THANK YOU ALL WHO WENT OUT WIF ME TODAE!!! I HAD A BLAST!!!

whew. ok to sum up everything.
first, in e morn, cos sam wong (church fren) arranged wif mi to meet in church at 1130am to discuss sunday's lesson; our dcg (discipleship care group/ aka cell grp; aiyah, sth liddat) came up wif e initiative to let e youths ourselves prepare e lessons to enable us to take over next time (=. so neways ok la, in e end sam pushed baq e time to 12noon. actuali i wanted to wake up early to write a msg n deliver a parcel to catch e morning mail, but in e end i was so dead tired i couldnt tink n write, n yeah, i went baq to slp till abt 11 plus den bathed n mom sent mi to church, or rather, i rushed to church. urgh, woke up wif a flu la, n dead tired, throat real dry n painful, must be e haze ):

so ok, prep-ed n everything, went real smooth, thx sam for e food!!! (i din eat breakfast or lunch, kinda 4got in my sleepiness) den cos tania had sth on e afternoon so wy convieniently moved e time forward to 145 n smsed mi to come at 120. how fun. e prep ended at 120pm, after which i had ta cab down to his place which cost mi 10 bucks. n by e time i reached his place we had ta go down to meridian cos mario princess was dere.

so ok lor, went dere, met her (my gdness, she looks as great as ever!) den started playin pool. as promised, i brought my acoustic guitar. so yeah, after e first game, she was curious, opened my guitar case n started tryin it out. oh well, quite fun la, juz dat when she was dere, kept being distracted n unable to play properly, so yeah, played lyk shit. aso cos i couldnt reali bend, e shirt i was wearin was abit too small n e jeans was quite low, so yeah ): sidenote, met roy n e other ac guy dere, dey were doin flag dae, LOL, dey actuali used their break to play pool, n brought their donation tins along. neways mario princess had ta rush off (sat evenings was set aside for time wif her family) n wy had ta study, so ok lor, she left in a hurry, i kept my guitar n ran out, meaning to send her to e mrt, but she alrdy disappeared. man, dat gal can reali run fast in heels!

so ok lor, tired, went to e bus stop, took 111 baq. saw a reali cute gal hu took e same bus, but nth much. dao-ed at home waitin for time to pass and 5 o'clock to arrive, fell asleep in front of e tv. dats when i realized i was tired, but it was alrdy 5, went in e rm to slp for 10 mins. woke up at 515pm, still tired, stoned for 3 mins, den went to wash my face, touch up my hair n change into my long sleeved shirt, a choice i l8r regret (cos it was reali damn hot, even in e nite, urgh, I HATE HAZE!!!). rushed down to plaza sing, dad sent mi.

met yt n yvonne, except it was 1 big grp of pple, her class. urgh, i hate crowds. but dey juz finished a movie n in e end after a short walk, e grp broke up. so i was left wif yt and yvonne. n yeah, cos of my big mouth, i owe dem dinner. which turned in dessert cos i promised to bring dem somewhere for gd dessert. budden in e end dey decided to 4go dessert, so i dragged dem to esplanade to e choc bar!!! my fav place. had fondue n drinks, spent a bomb.

I SHULD HAF KNOWN, nv ever feed gals wif choc on an empty stomach, its more potent den alcohol. i had a choc n alcohol cocktail, which was even worse, bleahx. were reali reali high. to cut e long story short, we walked to fullerton, hung out in their lobby, went out, walked all e way down to clarke quay, den ate macs dere, cabbed to vivocity, walked arnd, (my first time dere, n I LOVE E PLACE!!! OMG, SHOPPING!!!) n yeah, was tired, yvonne needed contact lense case, so i called my dad, asked him to pick mi up n send e gals home, n bring a contact lense case which he 4got, but nvm la, we made our way to outram n he picked us up, sent dem home, n here i m. a veh veh long dae... (usuali i onli do maximum clarke quay-esplanade-raffles place mrt-home, e gal hus guilty of dragging mi to dese places, u noe hu u r...) THANK YOU DAD! U ROX! my dad's reali a veh nice guy, reali hospitable, dats y usuali i dun mind treatin pple or givin pple lifts, though actuali its my dad dat doesnt mind (= but all e same, i haf a g8 dad hus been quite a nice influence on mi. neways tired, shall chat wif frens den slp, tmr goin shopping wif evan baq at vivocity. cya! will elaborate more if i feel lyk it. but alotta fun stuff happened, dats all i can sae (= n yeah, THANK YOU GALS! U MADE MY DAE!

cutefish (=

Saturday, October 21, 2006 | 1:25 am

light hearted stuff

sowie abt my tone of voice dis couple of daes to u guys, or as kh so aptly put it, 'emo'. cant help feeling down at 4am ytd morn when i woke up to rush my EE essay though. ok neways,w ads new in my lyfe.

I GOT PLASTIC SPECS! N NOT JUZ 1, I GOT 2!!!
ok it was real funnie. ok lemme start off wif e dae when i went to make my specs. it was sat if i rmb correctly. was at de Izaac's as usual at paragon n yeah after e opt checked my eyesight n all n found dat it din change much if not at all (YAY!!!), i was taken to e outer room to choose my frame. ok, i noe its abit late to catch onto dis fashion trend, but i was dying to change outta my specs which was severly outta shape and on e verge of breaking in 2, with the lenses severly scratched, to funky plastic ones as was and i tink still is e trend. so ok, first i saw some in e display cabinet so i went over n started looking. one of the shop assistants came over to help and i tried on a few but din reali lyk any. then came e fun part.

my brilliant dad walked over to the display cabinet on e wall wif e alan miki frames which i totali 4got abt (trust mi, i had every intention of gettin alan miki specs made dis time round), took a pair off e HIGHEST shelf and asked, 'how abt dis?' e specs were quite nice off course. but so was e price. (you know, dere's a gd reason y its on e highest shelf). neways i was gettin reali interested in e ones on e top few shelves while my dad, hu was informed to e sales assistant to his dismay dat e ones on e higher shelves were e high priced frames, started to try and divert my attention to e low priced ones. actuali i was kinda blind when i was tryin on the frames (my degree is 800) and tog wif e fact dat my mom and sis were not there, so i had ta go against my better judgment and trust e sales assistant hu was on my dad's side (though its kinda weird, cos usuali u'ld wanna make more profit by pushing e high ranged items first b4 slowly workin ur way down to e low-priced items). it proved bad cos it was reali obvious, esp when i tried e high end ones n dey gave e same comment saying i looked too mature (hello, im 17 goin on 18, soon to be an adult, too mature??? gimme a break!) so ok lor. den in e end settled on one mid priced one costing 300 plus. den i did e most stupid thing i could. i went baq to try other frames. den e sales assistant, now knowing my dad's low budget for dis time (hey, i ever got a pair of calvin klein specs b4), started takin out e extremely cheap frames. i mean, 88 dollars for a frame??? n yeah, dey kinda praised it to e high heavens n how gd i looked in it n i was totali helpless, so in e end i had to go wif dem. den a brainwave came.

i asked e sales assistant whether the frame came in other colours besides black with yellow horizontal stripes down e side. so she took out a white one with black stripes down e side and an orange one wif black stripes down e side. so i tried dem on, n off course e white one looked e most funky, n thus was most opposed by my dad. but i insisted on e white one. den i asked him wif a chuckle whether i could haf both. n yeah, he had no choice but to agree. so ok lor, it was e black and one more, n in e end i chose e white one. but not b4 givin nicholson a call to see whether he minded mi havin e specs wif e same coloured frame as his (l8r i found out he switched to metal frameless, so yeah i switched frm metal half frame to plastic, while he did e opp, e irony).

neways on wed i went baq to collect e specs after skool, and while crossin e junction btw ngee ann city and paragon, hu shuld i bump into midway but shawna my classsmate. she was wif her frens. so ok lor, we waved to each other, but after we just barely passed each other, her frens in quite a loud voice were lyk 'you know him???' i was lyk oh shit, dats either a gd thing or a bad thing, n i hate e chances. but i mean lyk, c'mon, i barely walked past u pple! a small incident.

e next dae, boy, was damn funnie, i wore e pair wif e black frame to skool cos i felt it made me look more serious and studious. so yeah, it aso happened to be doomsday n we were gettin our results baq, all e better. so ok lor, den midway thru collectin papers, i was feeling down cos e results werent looking gd, n those were e papers i tot i did veh well, so i took out my other pair and put it on n kept e black ones. b4 dis i was tokin to joel. but joel went out to e toilet. so when he came baq, i turned arnd and pointed to my specs n said 'hows dis?' n HE DIN GEDDIT!!! omg la, so slow. n he was quite confused, but he had no time 4 it cos e teacher soon had to verify his results. when e teacher verified mine, i turned arnd again n dis time, him and ian noticed n ian was lyk 'omg, ur specs changed colour!' while joel was lyk, 'lemme guess, its one of those cool things dat changes colour according to temperature rite?' LOL

im sorry to disappoint you, im not a walking thermometer.

but yeah, dat was my lill specs incident. throughout e whole dae i was alternating btw specs for e diff meetings we had lyk 4 e post results briefing wif e principal i wore black again and for e saf tok i wore white. so yeah, quite fun (=.

other den dat, no other funnie incident happened. though i must quit e habit of glowing damn brightly all e time. cos seriously, anyone becomes a 100 watt lightbulb when dey're arnd tim wee and xh. lol. n gab i'll nv 4give u 4 e trauma i exp when u left mi wif dem to buy food e other time after we dota-ed.

oh yeah, speakin of dota, gab rox la, its lyk, 2 daes b4 his exam, we went out to study, n barely did anything, cos once kh came we started tokin a hell lot. den after dinner n all, he din go home but instead came wif mi n kh to dota, lyk wth. n we all got carried away, 1/4 my fault, 1/4 gab's, but e champion's still kh wif 1/2 fault cos it was alrdy damn late n after e dota game he was lyk, 'footman frenzy?' WTH LA! gab n i, off course couldnt resist, i myself off course cos dey were quite noob at it :p. so after e game we were lyk, SHIT, ITS DAMN LATE! n yeah, at 1130pm 3 pple could be spotted running to dohby gaut station to catch e last train. dat was damn stupid. lol.

oh yeah, one more big news. I CLEARED E FOCUS CAMP!!! YAY~ onli haf ta go 4 e stupid chi one which is compulsoy for everyone regardless of how freakin high u scored, cos seriously e lowest in our class was a 77? oh, speaking of chi, ok, one more last funnie incident. again it was joel, my classmate, hus chi is reali hardcore. at e start of e yr e ex-hcl students were all veh competitive, except mi off course hu'll onli start laughing when i managed to beat dem at any test cos among dem i probably sux e most. n yeah, joel was e most hardcore wif e taiwan accent he can use anytime he pleases cos he learns his chi frm watching taiwan shows. wth la. den yeah, 4 e end of yrs cos durin CTs he was quite pissed dat i beat him at chi, i tink i owned him by 2 marks which when converted to 100% is quite alot. 2nd in class la, n somemore i anyhow wrote. neways dis final yr, e funnie thing was he had to sae so loudly 'aye josh arh, so how much u get for chi?' n i was lyk '85 la'. den he said DAMN LOUDLY 'YES, I OWNED U, I GOT 90, HAHAHAHA!' dat was when it all started. first it was victor hu proclaimed real loudly, 'OMG U NOOB, I OWNED U, I GOT 91!' n den one by one e others were aso lyk, 'YES I OWNED JOEL KHOO I GOT (90+x) MARKS!' (whereby x is a real number greater den 0 and smaller den 6). but e one to put the icing on the cake fell on none other den vickiie hu was lyk, 'OMG I GOT 95 MARKS!' n everyone was lyk 'OHHHHH!!!!!!!!! JOEL GOT PWNED BY A GAL!!!' lol, e atmosphere was fantastic! off course poor joel had no place to put his face after dat. he was traumatized n almost din sae anything for e rest of e dae.

neways those r e light hearted incidents, be prepared for more emo soon. yet again mebbe not, still havent posted abt being on cloud 9 recently :p n mebbe in 13 hrs time, i will be. wish mi luck.

cutefish

| 12:56 am

thoughts

yepp, i promised to update, n yes i will. but firstly, i've some pple to thank. Thank you zilin 4 helping mi wif my tagboard even when i was buggin u so late in e nite! Thanks angie 4 helping mi wif e blog template n all e simple n mundane stuff (i reali sux at dis), even though u were bz n it was ur A lvls! love ya! *hugs* n yeah, thanks to all well wishers n friends. especially those who were so supportive and willing to listen when i was feeling reali reali down. all of u were dere 4 mi, frm those late late nite calls, lyk amy hu always manages to change e subject (i still tink dat u're a high maintanence gal to kim :p) and make mi seem e victim (dere's nth wrong in dat, seriously, u'ld make a gd defence lawyer!), angie hu takes time off to tok on e fone n email mi aside frm her own personal probs, dawn, aso another A lvl jie hu took time off to pei wo when i was damn depressed juz b4 my exams to meet up wif mi n hear mi out, to my bros jason whom i can always wack in skool whenever i sae hi (lol, he nv fails to get wacked first, though subsequently i always come off worse overall) n chat wif him in skool or online, evan hus aso dere, dispenses reali gd advice some of which i unfortunately cant stomach though bro, u're rite la, n if i had listened to u i wouldnt get into wad i m in now, and whom can make a joke in e most unlikely situation (lyk dat nite when u made dat joke in dat mass conversation which reali cheered mi up a hell lot), to tim wee hu stayed up wif mi till 3am n listened, n off course watched while i vented out my frustrations and anger at myself on very, very, very (might i emphasize extremely?) unfortunate pple hu play chess online n hu unknowingly become victims of my sadistic side. ok, louis chong told mi to blog abt my love lyfe, which is veh veh complicated, those of u guys hu read e shared guy's blog u noe abt it, its reali reali screwed up, but i'll only blog abt recent events la. so here's it.

to the girl. someone i loved and still love. no i wun put a fullstop to our relationship our friendship. im sorry for dat nite when i hinted strongly dat i din wanna even noe u anymore. i wished i nv made dat mistake. u were a big part of my lyfe. i nv knew i could haf such a serious crush on a gal i got to noe over e fone by tokin every nite to her. u told mi everything. and in e end, i did admit everything. u influenced mi so much dat i gave up all my other love pursuits n juz focused on one, u, sth which i've nv done in a long long time, probably because either i din reali noe e person, or because i was influenced by e environment (yes u guys noe hu u r, those dat influenced mi... i quote frm a certain joker 'dun juz ask one out la, sms all e gals in ur fonebook! den wait for dem to reply n select e one u wanna go out wif e most...' etc. fyi, no, i din take his advice on dat, i juz asked onli her out, n guess wad, it worked). i've nv met a gal hu touched my lyfe in such a great way. im sorry, i tried my best to be dere 4 u, to love you, to care for you. to my frens, e rest of e story u guys shuld noe, i shant elaborate any further except to draw dis analogy dat:

our relationship was like a plane of glass, beautiful, sparkles in e sunshine or starlight (u love stars, so do i, i still rmb). sighz, however, as we each carried one side of e glass, we din coordinate well, n i misunderstood you, u misunderstood mi, we almost dropped it a couple of times. however im sorry 4 in e end dropping my side.

it shattered into a million pieces right before your eyes.

you however, still hoped, and stooped down to pick it up while i watched frm e side. your hands were bleeding from the cuts from the small pieces of glass which you were trying to piece together. I only made it worse by not helping. you were doing it alone. I'm sorry.

when you gave up and walked away, dats when i realized how much you meant to me. im sorry i din cherish our friendship. im sorry i let u pick up e pieces alone. im sorry for letting you hurt even more, even when you urself could have walked away frm it any moment, u chose to endure it 4 a while. it was painful.

im sorry.

now im still picking up the pieces, hoping to piece it baq. it is lonely. it hurts. but i dont wanna leave it dat way. it is my fault, i destroyed something so beautiful. im sorry.

4give mi? let me bandage your wounds, n we'll piece together this friendship again. i still wanna break the record of 9 hrs str talking to you, to watch e stars every nite and whine when e clouds r too thick, to watch e sunrise, n to hear ur troubles and ur hurts.

and one more thing. this applies to all u guys hu r reading this too. i'ld lyk to apologize sincerely for sometimes neglecting u guys, pang sei-ing you guys etc. in tryin my best to be a 'nice guy', i 4got dat i was often overlooking dis big big fact. the truth is, i'll nv become a nice guy if i dont know how to treasure my friends properly first. off course i tried n believe mi i do treasure it to somewhat an extent. but its adversity lyk dis dat made me realize juz how impt u guys r n yeah, juz wanna thx u guys 4 being there for me.

im sorrie dearie.

your friend always,
cutefish

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 | 11:51 pm

my first post!

yay~ sighz, though dis isnt a gd time to be posting. reali, reali depressing point in my lyfe. i've just lost a reali reali gd friend, due to my own stupidity. im sorry. shall post more when im happier. meanwhile thx to e rest of u guys 4 ur ever unwavering support and encouragement, esp those hu comforted mi, asked mi wads wrong, told mi not to be sad, not to give up, and even those crazy ones (yeah, i tink u noe hu u r) hu stayed up till 2am even when its in a skool wk to comfort mi. thankyou. meanwhile just one thing dat i've realized and that i've learnt, however at too heavy a price, that you must always cherish what u've got, dun regret onli after you lose it (which is almost always due to ur own fault).

CHERISH WAD U'VE GOT U IDIOT!

sowie, was talkin to myself. shall update l8r, promise!!!

P.S. i 4got to add, i got new plastic black n white specs todae~

cutefish