Saturday, December 30, 2006 | 11:54 pm

to crazy gal:

i so identify wif dis song frm jesse mccartney. sighz, n i prob feel n identify wif every word frm dis song, so here it goes:

Just So You Know -- Jesse Mccartney

I shouldn't love you, but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you, but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you, but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you, but I can't move
I can't look away

And I dont know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

It's gettin' hard to
Be around you
Theres so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I wont sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

This emptiness is killin' me
And I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long
Lookin' back I realize it was always there, just never spoken
I'm waitin' here
Been waitin' here

Oooh

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I wont sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
Whoa
Just so you know
Whoa
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
Just so you know

-end-


cutefish

| 11:47 pm

wah, tiring dae!

ok, short summary cos im moody now... fencing in e morn, AGAIN i woke up at 6am, cos fencing trg started at 830am. after dat free fenced n yadda yadda. bleahx, tiring as usual, right toe still givin mi probs, hopefully it heals by novices!!! if not i'll be in deep trouble... speakin of novices, still dunno whether e skool has even a sabre team or sabreurs! urgh, if not im playing for FM liaoz...

ok, den l8r on mi n another sabreur washed up n bought lunch while coach trained another student b4 we went down to marina bowl for e FM bowling outing!!! was damn fun, gotta mingle wif e others frm e other weapon grps cos we dun usuali haf dat chance to n 'sides, dere's so few sabreurs! at least till next yr when coach's mystery skool surfaces... hmmm... neways wif e ite, smu, and vjc pple dere in force, it was quite an enjoyable afternoon overall (= was reali tired out after dat... bleahx.

ok after dat went home to get some shut-eye, den off to orchard for dinner wif family. bleahx. tired.......

cutefish

| 12:47 am

another boring dae

damn, frm an exciting wk to a veh boring one, n ironically at dis time of e yr, oh well, wad to expect. d is bz all wk, tried askin her out but cant in e end, almost settled on fri, oh well ): tt, well, cos somebody told her i lyk her, now when i ask her out 1 on 1 she tinks its weird, yet 6 mths ago she juz agreed n asked where to meet. bleahx. looks lyk weiyuan i'll nd ur help dis time again... please? lol. oh yeah, n finally im startin to 4get abt yeah, i tink some pple shuld noe wad im tokin abt. sighz. takes awhile, esp when u still care alot abt e person. oh, ry is quite free now, i tink she's single now, we'll see how it goes (=

oh i found dis reali cool vid on youtube cos i was quite bored todae, but yeah, its damn funnie! though u shuld check out e comments, cos some pple juz dun noe how to lighten up. though sadly, e guy did get arrested n expelled, but l8r on, as e other vid clip shows, he got reinstated baq into e skool.

the jump:


the interview wif e cool dude hu jumped:


its quite cool n retarded at e same time, but yeah, as a sci student, hmmm, future recommendations would include jumping on a taller christmas tree frm at least 1 storey higher, i mean, c'mon, its onli 1 storey, where's e kick??? oh, and yeah, lastly, not gettin caught n expelled for it. LOL.

cutefish

Thursday, December 28, 2006 | 11:29 pm

last-bit-of-hols updates

bleahx. wad a boring hols. oh well...

okie, 'sides e massive earthquake which knocked out e fibre optic cables knocking out webbies lyk google n blogger for awhile (heck, i haf nth to post so it makes no diff... in fact, im posting for fun todae cos im BORED) which was cool, cos it also knocked out half my msn contacts so i had time to chat up n catch up wif e rest of my frens. lol.

okie my dae todae... hmmm, lab okie, full of last min pple as expected, full lab, mi n ben soh were sharing e rather empty one next door cos it had much more room (= jokin wif e lab tech as usual, she's rather stressed now cos she has to finish her inventory. oh well... n yeah, off course dere's ben using concentrated acid wif dunno wad now, but its quite cool, yeah man! he wans to go into explosives, n so do i, so yeah, watch out dso, here we come! okie la, neways, yeah, its nice workin e lab again, experiments goin well. brought laptop in todae cos ytd ben soh brought his n was blastin hardcore rock while i had ta turn up my ipod which made mi half deaf when i went baq home. bleahx. so yeah, at least i was blastin chi music half of e time, so e lab tech at first described mi as channel 8 and ben soh as channel 5, but unfortunately, he din use his laptop. lol. oh well, i'll be goin baq to e lab tmr to finish up my experiments (=

fencing was bad, as in, my fencing was bad, cos last wk i pushed myself too hard n injured my right toe, so whenever i lunge n e toe hits e front of my shoe, OUCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH! urgh, so i had ta defend n stopcut my opponent b4 my opponent hits mi. which in a way is okie, but yeah, as expected i lost all my matches... sighz. nvm when my toe heals, i'll make a KILLING! oh, but matt lopez set a new record of breakin 2 sabres in 1 dae. lol, ok la, his own sabre was not his fault, e tip juz came off when he slashed my mask. but e coach's sabre was damn spectacular, cos after a series of violent parry reposes, e part of e coach's sabre flew off n nearly hit mi, but yeah, dere were clearly sparks when e blades clashed. lol. oh well, he's now orderin 2 blades...

after fencing i had a choice of wad to do, cos todae's dot's bdae, so i could either drop by novena n call her n ask her whether she was home to pass her her pressie, or go out wif e guys. in e end i chose e latter cos she doesnt haf e habit of pickin up her fone ): bleahx, dat gal's so bz dis wk.

so yeah, out wif e guys, toked alot, hopefully aaron tries his best to 4get those 2 gals hu haf wasted his time cos clearly he was goin nowhere wif either 1 of dem. oh well. but it was my fault in convincing him to go for both at e same time. bleahx, cos we now haf ta get him off BOTH of dem instead of juz 1. dat guy's amazing man. lol.

sighz. ok la, last notes b4 i go, been chattin till quite late, catchin up wif veh veh old frens lyk eliza n zilin. crazy gal as usual, take care of urself kae? esp when u get caught in e rain, n yeah wif ur schedule n all n u refusing to sleep enuff. bleahx. amy congrats on ur uni first yr results, told ya u din needa worrie! U OWE MI CHICKEN RICE AT MANDARIN HOTEL. WE HAD A VERBAL AGREEMENT! okie, dats settled, lol, enjoy ur last bit of hols pple! cya.

cutefish

Wednesday, December 27, 2006 | 1:33 am

ok, christmas was boring dis yr ):

sighz, christmas eve, christmas dae, was damn boring. ok christmas eve was bz, cos yeah, church in e morn, den e kung bros were baq since 2 wks ago juz dat cos of e sabre tourney and my hk trip i din haf time to catch up wif dem till now, but its okie, i guess, yeah, charles koh aka chuckie! is baq again! so basically e old gang in pri skool daes hu used to go play cs after church is baq afer a long LONG time!!! woohoo! yeah la, had lunch, dota-ed wif e kungs, den rushed down to great grandmom's place (mom's side) for fam gathering which was quite late, ate a lill, played some mahjong, dats it, den went home bathed n freshened up, den went baq to church to watch e christmas mini musical. ok la, dis yr's one was quite nice (= esp so wif e g8 view frm e av room upstairs, n off course, e pple in it! lol, b4 e musical started, when we were singing e songs, cos at first it was all guys in e rm, so we made it a pt to sing as low n 'manly' as possible wif tons of gusto, n it was quite funnie! man i shulda taped it down. den yeah la, e musical, den after dat a lill bit of catching up, din noe justin n amos actuali came down to support my sis, if not i'ld haf sat wif dem downstairs instead, but oh well, nvm, for a change, sitting upstairs is diff. so yeah, christmas eve was ok.

christmas dae was boring, dun bother askin mi to blog abt it, basically my sis wanted to go out but in e end dragged it till e dae was late den din bother to. urgh. damn. nvm. din manage to get anyone out, doubt i will be able to neways.

yeah, den baq to normal everydae stuff which u guys wouldnt wanna hear la, so, wait till dere's some nice stuff den i'll tell kae? off course dis blog's not dat personal till i tell everything, cos dere were some stuff dat happened on christmas eve and some other veh veh big reasons abt y i wasnt in e christmas musical dat i dun wanna sae, but yeah, u can ask mi n i'll decide whether to tell ya... :P okie.

oh yeah, i checked blog patrol todae. apparently, shuting!!! u're wanted! i dunno by hu, some joker used yahoo search on e 22nd of december at 00 hrs 28mins 28 seconds to search for "shuting, rjc, blog". so yeah, watch out, i tink some guy's onto u!

ok la, blog patrol aside (u noe, i actuali haf 2 american readers and 1 uk reader, n awhile ago i had 1 hungarian reader!!!) everything's usual, boring, damn. btw if anyone of u can check baq n see where i've posted stuff abt shuting n tell mi, cos yeah, im too lazy too, but i do wanna noe in case i posted something bad abt her (i dun tink i posted nething bad abt u dun worrie!) and yeah, juz tell mi so i can check wad i've posted abt her n if its bad, to apologize to her in advance, n yeah, if its reali bad, i'll be blogging frm another country in e future!

ok dats all, hopefully new yr's will be swell!

cutefish

Saturday, December 23, 2006 | 12:06 am

updates (updated)

ok la, i havent been updating for sometime. so yeah, b4 i slp lemme juz do a lill updating. but firstly, something dat i so wanna get off my chest.

urgh, who e hell r u to tell mi dat im not gd enuff? u're not even qualified. rite, so u've abit of acomplishments n im so called worse den u. so? is winning dat impt? cos if it is, gl to u, u'll nv get to enjoy lyfe. in fact, hu r u dat i shuld prove myself to u? its not as if u're God or sth. danmit la, happened twice, once in dota (hello i seriously dun play dat badly lor) n yeah, todae. lyk wtf man cant u believe in mi for 1 sec. u noe, so far, prob no one has reali truely believed in mi (except mebbe kenneth lui n his blind faith dat i'll win evan yeo in a chess game a yr baq which i nearly did). wtf la. hello, i seriously dun tink i play lyk shit lor. u guys hu r on top juz push pple aside n make snap judgements n expect everyone to prove their worth to u. how to when everyone's givin u e chances n makin u feel big? rite u r big, its e others dat assist u into makin it dat far. u noe wad? 4geddit, i'll rather concentrate on fencing where at least my coach has faith in mi, esp ytd when he said he was veh impressed wif my fencing as i fenced well, esp rite after i came baq frm hk.

ok, 'nuff said. neways trip to hk was fine. juz a few stuff. ryan chow ROX. or at least, rox at delaying us at e immigration. firstly, alrdy baq at sing when we were departing for hk, he got caught up at e biometric passport thingy which was supposed to be damn fast, but his passport had probs. den it was his bold move to put under 'reason for coming to hk' he ticked 'settle down'! and e best thing was, dat brilliant kid was gonna 'settle down' wif onli a plastic bag containing a 6-pack of beer! rofl! ok, off course b4 dat keegan actuali started it by anyhow scribbling his signature on his departure card, and still got thru. l8r on, even better stuff happened. on e ferry to macau, cos ryan was fast asleep, and keegan was bored, he helped ryan fill up his immigration card. e thing is, keegan 4got to return ryan's card to e respective passport but instead put it in his own passport. so at e immigrations, after keegan got thru, suddenly he received a fone call frm ryan askin him for his immigration card. but when keegan opened his passport, he discovered dat e brilliant immigration officer had stamped ryan's immigration card wif ryan's name and ic number on it, instead of keegan's one which is below it!!! LOL tok abt how thorough customs r man!

n yeah, dere off course r e havoc times at lan kwai fong, e clubbing district in hk, which was damn nice, n yeah freezing our faces off at victoria peak where we sticked our heads out over e safety wall. n oh man, e food! e dim sum's e best! not e lousy singapore one. dis one's both better, n e food comes a hell lot faster! n its cheaper too! lol. esp e chee cheong fan which is made on e spot so e skin is damn nice, unlyk some local ones hu use those factory mass produced stuff, ick. oh yeah, e you tiao in chee cheong fan is a must try! so is their custard bun! those 2 u either cant find in sing, or dey're juz not as nice. n oh man, for dinner everydae, EVERYDAE, we had some roasted meat, cos apparently, over dere, its e best. but yeah, it was DAMN GOOD! oh well, we turned into carnivores, n in e process, our throats died. cos of all e roasted stuff, all of us practically ended up wif sore throats.

oh, n yeah, their transport system is so EXPENSIVE!!! their octopus card works lyk our ez link card, except dat e price to go here n dere is alot. veh high. over dere, i tink i spent abt 100 sing on normal transport (mtr and bus) alone. but its fun, esp wif e highly skilled, reali reali REALI CRAZY bus drivers hu go up and down WINDING MOUNTAIN ROADS at an EXTREMELY INSAELY SUICIDALLY FAST SPEED. it was 1 hell of a ride. lol.

n off course e pple dere, wow, e fashion sense is great, everyone's lyk into jap fashion, n plus its winter so e gals all haf boots on :P ah, i wish sing had winter, i love winter clothes! (=

oh yeah, n off course mi n ryan n e rest of e guys were gayin each other along e trip. urgh. nvm.

ok baq to sing. came baq, slept a short while, den went fencing! for 4 long hrs ): bleahx. woke up at 8 am to go fencing at 10 lor. lol, in e end had no time to go skool to do experiments cos i din expect it to last so longgggggg. but somehow though i expected to 4get my stuff, i din. e coach even said after e end of everything dat he was reali impressed wif my fencing (= yay!

ok, todae had potluck christmas lunch at e fencing club. but yeah la, abit weird, cos most of e pple (abt 95%) are epeeists, while onli 3 pple r sabreurs? bleahx. ,but its okie la, quite fun, esp wif e crazy cjc pple n their crazy dares and e veh brave ite balastier pple hu gamely played along. too bad e vjc pple din turn up if not dere'll be even more pple! after everything e sabreurs demo-ed wad a sabre match was lyk, n yeah, i was 1 of dem. was leadin at first but bleahx, it was not meant to be, and at 14-14, i lost e last pt to a stupid mistake. urgh. but heck, dere were some veh nice pts scored, esp e 1 where i did a reali, reali nice flunge (= (a flunge is where u jump forward and reali high in e air and rite at e highest pt in ur motion, u swipe at ur opponent, den u land and run past ur opponent). it was so cooooooooooool! ok la, quite tired, dats all.

sighz, neways, a lill sth b4 i go. to whom it may concern:
was watchin 'step up' on e flight dere, n yeah, dere was dis scene 4 those of u hu watched it it was after their 'mass dance' at e club where e dj was helpin e gal hus singing wif e song, yeah, 1 of e 2 coolest scenes in e movie. neways at e end of it, well, juz to quote frm e guy hu told e gal 'you deserve better'. sighz, seriously, u deserve better la. if e reason for u not being able to commit is cos he doesnt wanna commit, den yeah, reali, u're a great gal n u prob deserve better. sighz, and 1 more, thing, if u reali meant wad u typed on msn, i mean, yeah, dats 1 part of it, but wad abt e care, devotion, support, and trust of e guy? unless u're reali scared n dun trust e guy den yeah, u'll prob onli feel loved when u're needed cos u dun wanna trust dat guy too much in case he hurts u too deeply, in case he breaks ur heart. i dunno, tink abt it. but if anything (yes amy jie, i noe, but nvm) if anything im here 4 u kae?

cutefish

Saturday, December 09, 2006 | 12:09 am

another eventful dae. wad an eventful 48 hrs!

k la, todae onli a few stuff happened, but it was so fun! was smsin dot to discuss where to go n wad movie to catch, in e end decided upon happy feet, though taiyou no uta aka midnite sun's sneaks juz came out, budden e sad thing is its at 11pm??? sighz, wasted, it is a reali nice movie... (e thing is, i did watch e actual movie, but it was all in jap so i had ta interprete wad was goin on in e conversations frm e situation n e atmosphere etc, so yeah, i reali REALI wanna watch e movie wif eng subs!!!) oh well. but yay, its comin out soon!!! ok so at first we crazily decided on tryin to catch e 2pm movie at plaza sing which is notorious for its long queue for tix all e time (i dunno y e place is so pop, i mean, dere's lyk nth at plaza sing!) but yeah, 10mins l8r i decided it was too rush 4 her so i smsed her baq n told her to meet at cityhall mrt n dat she takes her time. so yeah, i had abit of time to post e previous post dis afternoon b4 i set off (= which almost made mi late ): but i wasnt (=

neways ok wore contacts, but decided against styling my hair wif clay cos of e heavy rain which juz started which kinda made mi regret writing e previous post instead of quickly styling my hair n setting off early. but neways e cool thing is, both of us, we were smsing each other, cos i told her i might be late n so did she. n when i was 1 station away, i smsed her n she suggested we might be on e same train. but b4 i could reply dat i was comin frm e boonlay direction, i reached n i saw e train on e other side also juz reached, so yeah, i called her n she told mi to meet upstairs outta e station. oh well, it was quite cool, e coincidence, but yeah, she was on e other train.

so yeah, we started a long, long long conversation, all e way to buy tix for e 4.05 movie, den off to e choc bar at e esplanade cos both of us din haf lunch, n decided on skippin lunch n goin str to dessert (yeah!). so yeah, we took our time la, eatin n chattin, till i noticed it was 330pm n we still werent half thru our fondue! lol, but neways to cut e long story short we finished at 4.05 (e movie's supposed to start den) though i told dot not to worrie n dat i was used to goin in 4 movies late n dat dere'll be advertisements. true enuff, though we did rush a lill, when we entered n took our seats, e advertisements juz ended n e movie juz started! i was lyk, omg, r we dat lucky? so yeah, we were, we caught e movie rite when it started. so okie la, e cute furry penguins etc (= though lyk jason chan's previous msn nick put it: happy feet is disturbing. lyk seriously disturbing! i duno, its juz e freaky way dey put humans, e zoo, etc, yeah, yikes, e poor penguins! ):

oh well, after e movie i needed to go to e loo, cos yeah, so we went out n walked towards e toilets, den dot met her nj frens, n apparently dey were watchin e same movie, cos durin e movie i received a msg but din check my fone till i was comin outta e toilet, but val was dere. she was wif her nj frens frm odac la. lol. i guessed correctly. neways after dat cos dot still had time b4 her fam gatherin so we walked to esplanade n den to fullerton to slack n chat in their veh extremely comfortable lounge! (= e nice thing is, as mi n my "mom" amy discovered, when u plunk down on e nice cushy sofas, dey dun chase u or bug u, mebbe juz to give u e menu n ask u whether u wan anything, but yeah, aside frm dat, dey dun chase ya away! so i usuali bring frens dere to slack n chat :P n yeah, dis was no exception. except dat dot off course was abit anxious at first, but den she highlighted e naggin worry dat sitting dere 4 too long makes u wanna live dere! cos yeah, e hotel's GREAT! oh well. too bad i was abit uncomfortable den cos my stomach was givin mi trouble, i guess it was e stuff i ate for breakfast ): i was prayin hard it wasnt anything to do wif e choc bar cos yeah, i din wan anything to happen to dot. but oh well, i beared e pain, continued e conversation sometimes wif a forced smile, but nvm, it was interesting, esp learning dat priscilla goh, my ex pri skool classmate LEARNT TAMIL!!! LYK OMG???!!! okie. den yeah, walked her baq to raffles mrt, passin by sing river abit, i love dat path (= yeah but cos of my stomach, made a beeline to raffles mrt, den yeah, sent her to novena, bravely offered to send her all e way baq home, but she declined, woulda insisted had my stomach not agreed wif mi. oh well, i guess im allowed to break one of e rules to being a nice guy 4 once? yeah, got home.

oh well, it was fun still! though i wished i din get dat stomach upset, urgh!

cutefish (=

Friday, December 08, 2006 | 1:10 pm

wad an eventful dae!

hey dere! ytd was so much fun!!! ok first i woke up at 8am which can i emphasize is VERY VERY EARLY. esp so cos my usual wakin up time durin e hols is 12noon-2pm-ish. n den i fenced for 3 hrs straight cos coach wanted to train simultaneous attacks. bleahx. i havent exercised 4 a whole wk, so in e end, i was dead tired, n i did lose matches to dis kid n dis gal whom i first fenced. it was real dey ja vu when i fenced her cos in e matches of 5 pts, we had 4-4 again, but dis time i won wif a trick at e start, forcin her to lunge too which i jumped baq, n i finished it off wif a flunge! i love flunges, esp when u jump up real high, e air-time's damn cool, n u slash ur opponent in mid air n land. SO COOl! but again, AGAIN, e next match was 4-4 n dis time it was her turn to play a trick n i fell 4 it ): bleahx. but still, i love e trick, n e trg was fun, esp when e lill kid was lyk, bro, i shall help u avenge mankind, n i was lyk, mankind??? u mean males rite? LOL! e coach was lyk, whoa, careful wif ur words, she's human too. neways he got trashed by her. so much 4 avenging "mankind"... i tink he meant MAN-kind, but still, hmmm, i din wanna be sexist so yeah, i din reali support his campaign however noble it was (hey, he was fightin 4 my honour)...

okie, den after dat i rushed home in a cab, bathed, got ready, n rushed down to pool wif e usual grp of frens plus tania n eug. was quite fun. actuali it was onli supposed to be tania mi n wy, budden in e end, instead of mi being e organizer, i was informed rather last min when i called wy on e mrt on e way dere dat dere'll be much more pple joinin us. oh well. but it was so damn fun! i wun go much into e details, esp e lill consipracy mi n wy n e rest of e guys had :P nice one wy! i owe u one! e timing was perfect! budden off course l8r on durin dota, dey tried screwin mi over esp keegan, URGH!!! im so gonna kill ur joyce if i meet her! but oh well nvm, i killed him mani times over in dota which i deem enuff liaoz. yeah, i tink u guys noe e story la, i dun wanna put it down cos i noe dere's alotta pple readin dis blog. lol. but u can ask mi if ya wanna noe :p

den after dat wy treated us to a buffet dinner, which is damn nice, n included mi n keegan gettin reali REALI REALI FREAKING HIGH on chocolate frm e chocolate fountain. keegan esp, hu started sprouting nonsense n licking e choc off e marshmellow b4 i added mine. was quite fun. i tried escargo! hmmm, tastes ok la. but yeah, i guess im kinda not terrified of tryin out new stuff now, cos yeah, keegan offered mi e whole thingy n i cut it in half n said i try first n juz popped it in. onli cyril din eat escargo, though i did urge him to try it. lol. but yeah, a wonderful nite climaxed wif us goin to e piano bar n gettin cocktails which we got high on, again, n yeah, fotos after dat. its been reali fun la, wif dis bunch of crazy guys. lol. enjoyed dese few yrs wif u all!!!

oh well, i haf sth on at 2pm, better rush off now. cya!

cutefish

Sunday, December 03, 2006 | 1:53 am

sowie 4 not posting

ok, so i've procrastinated n haf not blogged. oh well, almost 2 wks haf past, n boy, wad an eventful 2 wks. both e happie n e sad happened. oh well, dats lyfe. hmmm, since dere'll prob be too much to blog abt, i shall resign those 2 wks worth of stuff to 4ever stay in my memory (4 as long as dat lasts!) though here r some short updates.

fencing -- doin well, tourney on e 10th! yay! beat first fencer, and another 2 as well. doin well. skool trg over so its juz pure sabre trg now. got most of my equipment except my mask! urgh... switched to e so-freakin-cool visor mask!!! its got dis clear front piece made of dis special glass so ur vision is not so impaired by e wires! damn cool! comin in 2 wks!

chalet -- ok la, dis yr's chalet, was admittingly abit disappointing, but well, it was ok la. not mani j2s. sighz. nvm la, gd bye guys ;( no cycling as well. but we had fun. was more of an all guy's chalet though, but yeah, wif a room full of guys, anything can happen. poker was dman fun, damn freakin fun. even though e last nite i was playin cos i had ta put in some hrs of slp 4 fencing e next dae (thx God 4 dat, it was intensive n i had ta fence sabre, so it'll be reali "xia shui" if i lost a match). oh well. chalet past too ): but it was okie. abit of run-ins here n dere la. haiz. sowie.

gals -- evan, looks lyk u're not fated to meet shinbin. oh well, some other time bro. looks lyk im not gonna meet e other 1 too. unless wy can step in n help? budden again, he's goin into ns soon. sighz, im all by myself.

ok, i noe dis is private, but i needa let it out while u're away. im goin abit crazy i tink, feelin down on dese kinda nites, esp listenin to 'like a star' by corinne bailey rae (she's a reali reali great singer wif great songs!!!). u wanted to clear stuff up dat wkend which, in a sense, alrdy added to my confusion n depression. im sure u noe as well as i do its not easy to juz drop ur feelings 4 someone. but yeah, u brought up e past cos u wanted to tok abt it n all, though plz, not on msn, but yeah ur reasons u l8r revealed to mi (over sms -___-") ok, i understand kae? sighz. i tot e slpless nites was gonna end soon. u brought dem baq. wads worse, u're away. plus dat nite, trust mi, neither u nor mi was in e rite mind to discuss it or even discussing it in e rite way. when u come baq frm ur trip n r not so preoccupied wif ur stuff we'll tok abt it, kae? n yeah, its not all ur fault, its mine 4 fallin 4 ya too. but trust mi, 1 more thing, lyk u told mi dat i dun noe u, e same, u dun noe mi, at least well enuff to tell mi im 100% idealist. im an idealist in nature, but im juz as much a realist as u. i onli showed u dat side cos u seemed stressed, or down, or some other mood, n i juz wanted u to be happie, to not be sad or down. im sorrie, i guess sometimes im not doin myself any justice putting u b4 myself n in e process hurtin myself in some way (whether it be emotionally or some other way lyk physically, u noe i do wan slp). but i do enjoy e moments tokin to u, to tell u e truth. but 4 once, lemme be selfish n not tok to u. at least not dat nite after u reopened old wounds. it hurt. even l8r on it hurt. ur last words askin mi to stay on e fone n not go, trust mi, i had to tear myself away frm e fone. but yeah, dese kinda stuff, u cant calculate or forsee into e future. but u juz dun wanna trust mi 4 some reason. or at least dats e impression u give mi. sighz. u said u were nv playin mi n tried. e fact is, i dun tink u ever gave mi a chance

once.

*sigh*


k la, my emotional state now's not reali gd to tok abt other stuff, so to leave u guys wif a song dat perhaps reflects my mood, here's "Like A Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae, a lovely song. go get her album.

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honored to love you,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you,
You do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh, you're lovely.

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you,
You do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind, Yeah

Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na

I have come to understand
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand, Yeah

Oooo
Oooo

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I won't let my guard down,
For anyone but you
You do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands



cutefish on a lonely, cold nite