Sunday, November 18, 2007 | 12:31 am

hope

okie, though dis might turn out to be a rather serious post, dun worrie, it definitely wun end up all emo n sad, afterall, im listening to corrinne may's 'little superhero girl', n u noe, her music kinda has an effect on u. i mean, when she's all serious n sad or troubled, u hear it in her voice, but more den often her songs r uplifting n makes u feel as if all e clouds in e sky were pink fluffy marshmellows (= im sure angi wuld love dat tot.

okie, gimme some time for e effect of e song to sink in, im still a lill spooked by e show 'the mothman prophecies' dat juz showed on channel 5. urgh. i guess for television, or movies for dat matter, wad scares mi is not some scary looking monster jumping outta e shadows or sth, but e time when u're in a room or place and whether it be dark or bright, u're unsure whether u're truly alone. dat spooks mi. e even more irritating is dis shows haf to be shown late in e nite. now if its screened in e morning, den u'll watch it, n by e time u actuali get home n up into bed u'ld haf 4gotten abt it. but when u screen it at nite... plus e fact dat u'll haf ta turn off e lights b4 u go to bed = its dark, r u alone? okie fine, sowie if i spooked u, u can always call mi, i tink i'll be up till late tonite unless i can get dat tot outta my head. (usuali in dis situations, i make myself veh tired, den i turn in, so i fall asleep b4 i can tink nemore)

okie okie. as to exams, i screwed up my last paper. lyk, totali. urgh. e time pressure n all got to mi (wtf 1 hr for everything?!?) n i blanked durin dat paper. n u noe its not a reali gd management of time if u blank out for half e time. im so screwed. was half depressed on fri. lyk one of e class pple said when we took a class foto after e whole thing, 'wah, actuali now's a reali bad time to take a foto. after a paper lyk dat, how can u smile?!?', which made everyone smile, at e whole dramatic irony of it all. so it was a happie foto. n i guess dota n a movie after dat cured everything. was quite funnie, we actuali wanted to watch either beowulf or stardust, but in e end due to e lack of seats (we had 9 pple watchin a movie, n b4 dat we had 12 pple dota-ing, along wif 3 other grps of ac pple in e area. lyk, half e lanshop we were in was filled wif our lvl mates?!?). okie neways, we caught a late 'the bee movie', as liew promptly puts it. n yeah, dis is a first 4 mi, prob cos as i admitted l8r, i dun use my brain much for useful purposes, juz for fun laughter peace n joy, dats all; but yeah, we actuali smuggled food in frm carrefour to eat durin e movie :P brilliant. lyk absolutely brilliant. liew was e funniest, he hid a box of cereal under his skool sweater. i was lyk, 'liew, is dat a box under ur sweater? LOL! its so obvious!' in e lift, to which he replied, 'wad box?'

a side note, dat guy's great, he can be a standup comedian, i mean, dere's absolutely no one hu can repeat his deadpan sarcasm so well n so humorously. he's brilliant. even i cant imitate his lines in e same tone as he does it.

okie baq to e story. so the bee movie was okie la, nice, cheery n all, it helped alot (=

den yeah, some of us went home, some of us went to e starbucks to get drinks n tok. yeong wei suggested we go to e starbucks at the cathay instead of stickin to plaza sing, but vickiie went lyk 'but i dun wanna walk... )='. neways we went to the cathay in e end, n on e way, poor yeong wei was struggling, cos after e movie he discovered to his dismay he had a pimple on his butt. n not juz anywhere, but yeah. ouch. i shall not go into e detail to which he n e rest of us described it, esp when we had to almost illustrate it to vickiie (she's reali veh innocent). so he looked reali funnie when he walked. poor guy. okie, we got to the cathay, n guess wad? e starbucks is as crowded as e one at plaza sg! 'e irony gods must be laughing at us', as jason fox aptly puts it in foxtrot.

so yeah, we bought our coffee, yeong wei had to do his big business n after dat briefly said how he tried to burst e pimple, which we all were lyk, O.o dude, i was drinking hot chocolate for crying out loud. shulda drank coffee, cos we stayed out real late. frm after e movie which was abt 11 sth (e movie started at 9 plus, cos we got a late one so vickiie could come; side note: vickiie's zoni's gf, she's aso known as 'egg' or 'the egg' cos her head's shaped lyk an egg. i cracked her up durin e exams when i told her to slp early if not she'll become a hard boiled egg, though i reali was juz saying nonsense at dat time; yes im full of rubbish too, hu isnt?) okie baq to e story, we stayed out frm 11 till abt 2 plus. basically we toked n joked our way thru, n time juz flied. it felt lyk class, except yeah la, less pple. still it felt lyk class, lyk how u can take a small bit of a holographic flim n shine a light thru n it'll still recreate e whole image. its e same, somehow. im gonna miss classes. i nv had such a bonded n funnie class b4. frm e stupid brainless distracting stuff we were doin durin physics class to distract ourselves frm e boring lesson (its e syllabus dats boring, not e teachers!) to seeing ferdi our ct's animated n most of e time exasperated (wif our class) speeches (oh shit, i still owe him my testimonial... ...ahh heck, a few more daes wun hurt. afterall, half e class hasnt done it too :P) to a unanimous agreement dat chinese is our best ib subject afterall, despite us not paying attention to a single lesson of chinese n still acing it, oh man, i hope uni's gonna be juz as gd.

okie yeah, baq to cathay. we were standing outside e starbucks inside e mall (dere r 2 entrances) n yeah, midway thru suddenly vickiie goes, 'omg! did u see dat?' n den goes on to explain how dere was dis gal on e escalator behind us wearing a mini skirt n she bent down n lifted up her skirt abit to scratch her tigh. thx God mi n e other guys had our baqs turned to e escalator, though, mebbe not, we woulda otherwise haf caught a free show. ah nvm, ignore dat testosterone induced comment. though yeah, i did tell dem abt e time i was wif amy in suntec walkin arnd n i was thirsty, so i took a drink of water, n it so happened we were walking beside an escalator, so when i tilted my head up to, yeah, let e water flow down my throat, i nearly spat e water out. seriously man, e mall's design's so bad, if a gal wears a mini n someone so happens to be walkin rite beside e escalator n juz so happens to look up, yeah, u noe wad'll happen. neways i din choked to death, n made a mental note dat if i ever had a gf n she was wearin a mini, nv to take her to suntec. ok besides dat, we aso recalled skool, n even sec skool lyfe, e pranks we played on teachers n fellow students alike. lyk e bb seniors durin bb camp where dey hid n made their juniors walk arnd e skool, durin which dey'll jump out n scare dem. e skool reali has some freaky places, but on e whole, its mostly serene n calm at 1-2am in e morning. its reali nice, juz different frm e bustling skool dat i knew. discovered dat durin e various npcc camps at skool in sec skool. but yeah, reali nice (= esp e class room corridors in e old block, its reali nice when e silver moonlight floods e corridors (=

oh wells, we wun be ggin baq to skool. wad a waste, i shulda hung my ib tie on e eagle after e last paper lyk wad hao suggested.

n yeah, mi n zoni had quite a nice chat much l8r on when e others were fooling arnd, albeit a serious chat. n well, i tink he kinda answered my qn on whether love was selfish or not. to put is dis way, it was reali a deep conversation, esp considerin both of us do TOK which is similar to the A lvl's KI except dat we must pass dis sub in order to get our ib diploma. okie, neways we discussed various things, n yeah, one of which was my qn of whether love was selfish or not, to which he replied dat its both selfish n unselfish. b4 i started tinkin he was soundin more n more lyk siddahartha frm siddahartha by herman hesse, one of our eng (lit la, its lit) bks we had ta mug for our exams, he den clarified it. if i can rmb correctly (i admit i was sleepy den, i shulda drank coffee!), it is selfish cos humans r not perfect, we're mostly motivated by selfish desires. okie i'll bring up another side argument which i did bring up den, den i'll come baq n tie dis one up. i asked him whether it is possible den for one to be noble, to do sth for purely noble purposes, cos u noe, when u do gd, u feel gd, its not possible to not feel gd abt urself, to gain dis sorta satisfaction by doing gd. however, if dis is ur motivation, or if u get a reward, den it reali isnt noble in its essance, isnt it? cos to do a noble act is to do sth without gettin nething in return, but in dis case, u do feel gd. but zoni said dat as long as e motivation is for e gd of someone or e community, as long as someone benefits, it doesnt matter whether u feel gd or not or whether e act is truly done outta kindness or grace, wad matters is e net effect's positive (= kinda provided mi wif some closure to my personal struggle to aspire to be noble, yet dun achieve it cos most of e time, i feel gd doing stuff outta kindness, n more often den not l8r on, i catch myself doing stuff wif dat nice feeling of satisfaction as my motivation, which is wrong. urgh. its a struggle to be a dino.

okie baq to e argument. so love's both selfish n unselfish. its selfish in terms dat, definitely when u initially lyk, n den love someone, it'll probably be more outta selfish reasons den unselfish reasons (c'mon, hu wuld unselfishly share their bfs or gfs cos dey're nice pple hu'ld benefit e other guy/gal? okie, if dis example's bad, ignore it, i juz tot abt it) but yeah l8r on when e feelings r built, u start to sacrifice stuff for one another, dats unselfish love. so its both selfish n unselfish at e same time. doesnt mean dat l8r on its totali unselfish, u definitely wuld selfishly protect ur relationship. i noe i wuld. but yeah, love's gd, it makes e whole world go round. guess i'll keep searching for it. (=

so yepp, male bonding, but mostly, some qns r ans, indrectly, i believe, by God. cool. i finally found some ans i've been looking for. now dis is startin to feel lyk after exams.

a side note, we noticed dat, it feels reali sian after exams. i mean, during exams, u find a 101 things to do. n e best part is, everything, even e smallest, most meaningless thing, seems interesting. even readin dis boring bk somehow seems interesting. but after exams, everything feels sian. u dun even feel lyk doing anything. i mean, as students, ur sole purpose in lyfe seems to be exams. wad happens when ur exams end? wad happens to e poor pple hu live for exams. luckily, i dun live for exams, i live for lyfe, n wad it brings (=

so im gonna be myself, im gonna find a gal hu appreciates mi for hu i am, but more imptly or as imptly, someone whom i love for hu she is.

cutefish